Updated my New Years goal list

This is my 2014 New Years "goal" list.

I don't really believe in resolutions bc well they always get forgotten.

I have put a ✔️ next to the ones I have completed thus far.

My goals for this new year

1. to run at least 10 races. I have ran 6 so far.
2. to complete at least 1 half marathon✔️
3. By the end of the year be able to fit into almost all of the clothes I already own.
4. to learn how to walk in heels.✔️
5. to wear a bikini at a pool or lake without a cover up.
6. to wear an outfit with leggings..comfortably.
7. to wear a dress..comfortably.✔️
8. to do at least one obstacle course run or mud run
9. to wear a pj onsie comfortably
10. to decorate the house for every major holiday.
11. to take Christmas card pictures and feel comfortable in them.

In my defense we didn't have the money to decorate for the last couple holidays but I plan on decorating for the upcoming holidays.

I haven't gone to a pool yet.

I am still on my plateau that has lasted... Gasp.. An entire year! 😖

The pj onesie I won't know till winter.

And I still have 213 days to fit all the clothes I already own. 

I own leggings but the whole "one size fits all" is a LIAR!!! I stupidly bought a pair bc it said it fits ALL. Ummm no it doesn't fit me. And of course I'm too embarrassed to take them back. 

I'm still working out 5-6 days a week crossfiting, while working full time, running races when I feel like it, and trying to be the best mom I can be to the sweetest/hyper/sassy/mean baby.

I don't have anything to add to this list. My goals are still the same... Womp womp

It's been a while

So I haven't checked in for a while now and I wanted to let ya'll know what I have been up to.

I have had a lot going on....so we will start here.

I joined a new gym to try out only for a temporary basis because it is so expensive that I don't know if I feel comfortable paying almost $100 a month for the membership. Don't get me wrong I am pushed passed my comfort zone and I have accomplished more in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last 1.5yrs of weight lifting. We will see how long I stay but right now I am thoroughly enjoying the PR'S. To add it is a crossfit gym and I am really enjoying the personal training I am getting versus me looking up workouts and only having my own judgment on if I'm doing them right or not.

Last week my mother died.
If you are a new reader then you don't know that I was disowned over 3.5yrs ago as of the last week of August.
She abused prescription drugs and was a closet drinker. She has threatened to kill me when she got too high and also blamed my father's death (January 2010) on me. Though he had a heart attack and I hadn't seen him for 6months prior to his death,  in her mind she blamed me for it. They were both into drugs, drank, were verbally abusive, smoked cigarettes among other things, and just were never really parents to my sister and I.

My mother and sister disowned me the following August because I stood up to my mom for the first time in my life and told her she needed to go to rehab because I was tired of watching her kill herself.

I tried to make amends with her several times after she disowned me with no luck.

Fast forward to last week and I found out through an aunt and a cousin who live in a different state whom I haven't talked to either in over 10yrs that my mom had died.

I was immediately angry.
Angry that my sister didn't tell me.
Angry that she wanted to keep it from me.
Angry because I found out that my mom had lung cancer, made her funeral arrangements ahead of time, and ended up in a hospice hospital after an extended stay in a regular hospital.

Isn't that some shit?

How rude, disrespectful, insincere, and selfish of them.

I mean you know you are going to die soon and you don't even try to make amends with your daughter?

I don't know how to feel other than anger.
I have no regrets.

When my dad died I had tons of regrets and I grieved for 2 long weeks.
I couldn't eat, or work, go in public, bathe, I had nightmares so I couldn't sleep, I couldn't function, I just existed for those 2 weeks.

I went to her funeral last week. My sister and her boyfriend kept giving me the stink eye. I know they didn't want me to be there but out of respect and just so I wouldn't live with any regrets I went.

Even with my emotions for my mom's death I have still made the effort to workout.

Unfortunately I have been emotionally eaten and most of my clothes fit really snug so I have had to deal with being extremely uncomfortable in my skin again as well as in all of my clothes.

My child has even go so far as to slap my stomach and laugh. Thanks a lot Chloe. I know she means no harm but it hurts my feelings that I have that much jiggle goin on.

I finished my first 5k of the new year last Saturday. With absolutely no training I placed 3rd in my age group and it was my first race in the rain! I'm so glad I placed because if I didnt I wouldn't have gotten a medal.

All that may not seem like a lot to some but in my world it's a lot more than I'm used to.

Hopefully the next few weeks can simmer down and I can get the extra-extra weight off.

Don't let someone else's opinion bother you.

I haven't let other's opinions bother me in a lonnnng time. But at my last out of town work training {last week of January} a girl in it with me asked if I was pregnant.

So I have been dreading seeing her again and having to see her 3 days this week.

Not only have I dreaded seeing her but I have realized I'm more self conscious than I have been in some time now.

I have been focusing on my self love for a while now but man this week has really opened my eyes about how I shouldn't let someone else's opinion get to me.

I have been tugging at my shirt much like I did when I was bigger to make my shirt just a little bit longer. I have been trying to find a jacket at each store I have gone in this week, so I can cover up more, but have yet to find one I like.

Why have I let her opinion of my belly size dictate how I feel? 

I know I'm not the only person who has felt this way after an insult and I certainly won't be the last.

If you get anything from reading this small blog I hope it's confidence and motivation. 

Confidence to know everyone is beautiful. EVERY.ONE. 

And motivation not to change but to better yourself at something. anything. 

It's Monday again.

I'm out of town again this week.

I have been craving seafood for a couple weeks now and decided to stop off at Joe's Crab Shack.

One thing to know about me is I am not one for seafood. Growing up we had fish so much that I got burnt out on it. I haven't had any type of seafood since I was pregnant in 2012.

I knew I wanted lobster and crab legs.

I just don't like things with eyes. Let me clarify I don't like food to come on a plate with their eyes still attached. UGHH. I seriously thought it wouldn't come without the head. I have only ever ordered a lobster tail and they forgot to give me just the tail....

I accidentally spilled my butter container all over myself, I was pretty embarrassed.

I couldn't even eat half of it, I got full pretty fast.

I was completely comfortable in my attire. I wore my sweat pants, a t-shirt, and house shoes.

It was really good and I probably won't eat seafood again for 2-3 years and that's fine. I got my craving fixed.

I'm going to try to make that my only meal "out" this week.

Some of my favorite things

I thought I would list some of my favorite things for you.

1. Honey. It can pretty much cure my sweet tooth cravings! 

2. PB2 the taste isn't amazing but for how little the calories are I can deal! ;)

3. I'm getting burnt out of drinking plain water. I have been having trouble getting my water {128 oz} a day in so I have been adding these to it. I know they aren't healthy but it's better than drinking pop.

4. My fitbit. It helps me stay motivated.

5. I drain the strawberries and then add the cool whip. YUM! 

6. I don't have a gym #selfie but I have been enjoying working out at 5am versus at night which is not the norm for me. I'm just trying to figure out what works for me so that I won't waste another year of progressing.

7. Today I started walking outside on my breaks at work and it is so refreshing to clear your mind and get some extra cardio in during the day. 

No more laziness and Vday

So I haven't worked out in ohhhh about 2weeks mainly because I was sick {still am} but partly because it felt good to e lazy. I got to spend more time with my family and didn't worry about what workouts I was going to do each night or watch the clock to stay on schedule so I would be good with balancing family time and my 1hr workout. 

It felt good until I realized I'm not losing weight. I'm not accomplishing anything. I have lots of races I plan on running this year and my head is not where it should be. 

I should be training mean and eating clean or something like that.

But I haven't been making myself a priority when I should be.

So I told the hubs that I was going to get up at 5am and go to the gym. I loathe morning workouts.... ok I loathe mornings in general but I needed to get up I had to! 

My alarm went off at 5am and I didn't sleep good last night. For the last week or so I have coughed like crazy all night. every.night!!!!

Which has made me irritable and exhausted. 

When my alarm went off I went to push the snooze button but the hubs patted me on my side and I just knew I had  to get up and make it happen. I just knew I would be mad at myself all day and regret it. Also I knew once my alarm went off I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep so I either get up and go workout or toss and turn anddddd cough some more for another hour and a half-ish.

I got to the gym and did a couple leg workouts then stayed on the elliptical for what felt like a year.

the day isn't even half over and I have walked almost all of my daily fit bit stopes goal of 10k steps! 

Working out puts me in a better mood, I drink more water throughout the day, my thinking is more clear, I sleep better at night, etc. 

I don't want to make any promises that I can't keep but I will say I'm not going to be lazy anymore! 

I am a much better person all around when I take better care of myself.

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In other news as everyone knows tomorrow is Valentine's day.

We usually don't do too much because it really is just a holiday for people to waste money and try to continue their 'perfect couple' status. 

I am normally not one for flowers but I didn't really leave the hubs much to go on this year.

With his work schedule we wouldn't be able to have a date night except on a weeknight. I would rather spend time as a family and not wreck our evening schedule especially when I'll have to work the next day. Plus I wouldn't get much time with my kid and I'm just not ok with that. I want to see her as much as possible.

He is also supporting my healthy eating so he didn't get me anything unhealthy.

We have more than enough cute stuffed things, so that's a no!

And jewelry is just too expensive for this holiday. Christmas and my birthday, yes any other holiday, no!

We have been together 3.5years and he hasn't ever gotten me flowers before. But I am very happy he did. It was a very special surprise and made my day!

Sick of the cold and sickness

I don't know about y'all but I'm sick of it being cold, dry, snowing/sleeting, and all of the sickness that is winter. I'm not one for winter time except for the holidays but once those are over, I'm over it too! 

I do however like "snow days" for the simple fact that I get to spend extra time with the baby diva but more than a day stuck inside, I'm over it too. Cabin fever sets in and we both get bored. womp womp

I, thankfully, didn't get the flu but I did get a nasty cough that just won't go away and some hard core congestion. I've done everything to get rid of both but they have taken up residency in my body and will not leave. 

I'm very happy that my family is much better but I haven't felt that great for the last week or so.

To get out of my little funk I got my nails and hair done! I feel supa sassy! Watch out world I've got my sassy pants on! ;)

I'm in a red hair phase right now.

This is the first time in over 3yrs that I got my nails done and the first time that I have ever gotten a 'round tip' I usually go for the popular 'squared tip' and like McDonalds I am lovin it! lmao

Looks like the bad weather isn't going to stop any time soon which blows because I haven't trained AT ALL for all of my upcoming races.