I now have shopping anxiety.

Some of you already read my post on MLFC Facebook page but for those who aren't in that group I thought I would share it here as well.

Yesterday I went into a new boutique in our town and even though I figured it would be too expensive I had to at least see what all the hype was about. 

The second I walked in I was overwhelmed with how bright and unique the clothes were. I almost cried and did have a small panic attack. I started freaking out inside because all my insecurities came out.

For 5+ years I have worn simple clothes nothing loud or to grab attention. Because I was ashamed of my body. !

For 5+ years I hadn't really shopped for clothes other than maternity clothes. 

I have always looked for shirts that don't show too much cleavage, isn't short sleeved so my arm fat isn't completely exposed, that's loose so my rolls stay "hidden". And there weren't any clothes at that store that could hide much if any of my insecurities!!!

I don't wear dresses unless I go to the lake as a coverup, no skirts because of my big calves, and I rarely wear capris.

The poor sales girl asked to help me I normally say no but I decide to let her. She asked me if I would be comfortable wearing leggings I told her that I was too afraid that they would look like sausage links surprisingly she didn't laugh, she looked concerned and said you have the right body for those though. I took a step back and couldn't believe she said that in a non-sales pitch way. And then asked if I wore a size medium or smaller.... what??? I first said no! It took me a couple seconds to realize that I am a medium and was still in the mind frame of the 2XL girl I used to be! 

But Im not that big anymore and I should want to show off my hardwork. So I bought this cute little tank top and am going to work on my self image more!

It's crazy how the mind works and how other people can see how I really look but I can't.

I wore it today to work and half the day I wore it without a cover up but it's rainy as cold so I found a cute over shirt light sweater thing in the bottom of my closet on lunch and can fit that bad boy too! 

In other news I worked out this morning. I wore short shorts in public for the first time... I am paper white and I don't give a phuck! The shorts will take me some getting used to.

I did one of the leg machines. My legs used to squeeze together on this machine but not anymore! Whoop Whoop! 

Slowly but surely I will get where I want to be!