I have changed.

I feel like sharing today. 

Everyone has changed as the years have passed. I for one have changed more than I would like to admit the past +3.5 years. 

I used to be an extremely happy person. I mean to the point very often I would get asked by strangers what I was "high off of" and I would always reply, "just on life!" I have never tried any drugs (I grew up around drugs so I knew I didn't want to do them.) And I drank but only socially at night and made sure to be responsible about it! 😉

Then came January 15, 2010 my dad died of a heart attack caused by a drug overdose. He only had about 30% of his heart due to the hard life he lived (read:many different drug addictions, alcohol, not eating right or at all) I was devastated I hadn't spoke to my dad since the 4th of July the year before. My family story will have to be a different post. 

Anyways, I took it hard. For a week or two I didn't eat, drink, sleep, or do much but stare at a wall at my sister's house and think. I couldn't be alone and my sister and I were on good terms then. But my mother (If you could call her that) 😏 made it all about her, as always! Her and my dad had been divorced for 6 or 7years and she was telling people that she was a widow. 😳 

Making this long.story.way.shorter. 8 months later my mother had yet another overdose (several prescription pill addictions) and after she came to I freaked out on her. I used every cuss word there is and even made some up. That's when you know I'm furious! I told her she needed to go to rehab since she normally overdoses 3-5 times a year for the last several years but always claimed it was for other reasons. I gave her an ultimatum(sp?) and told her to go to rehab and keep me in your life or don't and lose me forever. 

I got a text a couple hours later from both  my mother and sister saying that she didn't have a problem and that I was the problem and they didn't need me to be in their family anymore.

Let me say this I have NEVER disrespected my mother, NEVER raised my voice, and NEVER cussed in front of her until that day! And I don't regret it.

Aaron and I worked together and started dating a couple months after that incident. I feel bad for him because I know he would've loved the person I was before all of that. 

About 3 1/2 months (on my birthday) after we started dating Aaron proposed to me (this will have to be another post.) And a week before he proposed I lost my job. 

All of these and many more things in between have caused me to not be as happy of a person that I once was. I also used to be more patient, generous, and forgiving. But I, sadly, have changed and have been working on these for the past year. I pray constantly to be back to the person I once was. I have forgiven my "family" for their decisions and am happy that my daughter won't have to grow up around those horrible, selfish, mean, people who are full of nothing more than excuses, criticism, hate, and addictions! 

I got married and later had a baby and they are not/will not be apart of these chapters in my life. 

Have you changed from big events in your life? If so, Are you proud or sad about changing?