I'm picking myself back up.

I wasn't going to write this because I have expressed in several past posts about how I have dealt with body image issues in the past. But I kind of felt like it was necessary to bring it up seeing as those bad feelings come up ever so often and right now they are back in full force.

There is a girl who works in my building and for a few weeks now I have gotten down on myself about my looks by comparing myself to her. She is beautiful, skinny, has long hair that has what seems like every strained in perfect placement, thin model like legs, and she dresses like she just stepped out of my Pinterest fashion board. The problem....she is a snob. She literally throws her nose up to most people in the hallway or bathroom and knows she is pretty. 

I spoke to her once as I do everyone I come into contact with or pass in the hallway because I personally believe we should treat people like.. well people. She talked about how she was divorced and her married name just so happened to be my maiden name (no relation) and doesn't have children and I haven't really spoken to her since. If I make eye contact with someone I acknowledge them! 

I'm realizing as I write this that she is not better than me in anyway. 

I have worked hard for my body. 

My feet have ran MANY miles... like think in the hundreds.

I have ran 5-5ks and one half marathon just in a year! 

I have lost 80lbs and even though I have gained 10-15 back I still have accomplished alot!

I have the ass and legs I have only dreamed about having!

My arms are the strongest and leanest(is that a word?) they have ever been!

Why oh why have I been comparing myself to someone else?!?

I have a family, a child, a place to call home everything else should be irrelevant right? Unfortunately we live in a materialistic and sad world.

 

I don't want to be model thin I want to be skinnier, healthy, and fit! 

I'm working on my self love each day and some days are better than others. 

I'm also working on not putting so much  pressure on myself to reach my goal weight. I am realizing that the pressure to succeed by a certain date has caused me to buckle and breakdown putting me in not so great of mind frame and has me falling back into old habits.

So I am going by my pants size. If I can get to where my currency pants are very loose then I will reward myself with a big shopping trip. I'm so tired of my current selection.

I got really depressed this weekend. I was doing my laundry and while I hung up my nice clothes I noticed there were a few pieces that I can no longer fit.... they are too small again!  That has to be the worst feeling.. ever. :-/ 

I'm just going to have to pick myself back up again! I've come so far...