Some of it stemmed from the awful home life I had and some from a past I had never really dealt completely with. That's on top of having to deal with horrible boyfriend after horrible boyfriend and the stress of living on my own, bills, and one shit storm after another.
I used to talk about myself in such a vulgar way well up until just recently. I would casually mention that I was a fatty, fat ass, or a big girl.
I have been known to make fat jokes...about myself! I was kindof like Fat Amy on 'Pitch Perfect'.
For the last week or two I have refrained from speaking about myself in any negative way...no more fat jokes.
Right now I'm doing pretty well recovering from all the hate. When I look in the mirror I try to solely focus on my good traits and my progress. I try to block out all of my imperfect features because I will never be perfect in my eyes or anyone else's and really that's not my goal. I don't want to be perfect I want to be the best I can be...whatever that might be.
In other news right now Its crunch time and I'm working really hard to get in all my workouts and runs so that I'll be as prepared as I can be for my half. Today when I got back to work from my lunch break I felt horrible! I even had to run to the bathroom to throw up. NO I'M NOT PREGNANT. I didn't eat anything out of the ordinary but a coworker did mention that her grandson puked once on Saturday and a couple hours later he was completely fine so maybe that's what was wrong with me?!? After about an hour and a half I was just fine and I even went to the gym and busted out 50 minutes of a hard workout!
Strangely I am getting kind of bored with my workouts. I have even made myself a schedule of what workouts I'm going to do each day and guess what? I forget about that little piece of paper until I'm already done with my workout...ugggghhh. Hopefully I will get a handle on that soooon.
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