I survived the dressing room!

I have not been in a dressing room in almost 3.5years! And I can remember it like it was yesterday...I'll get back to that in a second.

That's not to say I haven't went shopping in that amount of time because clearly I have. I normally find a few things I like and try to guess if they will fit or not. I then go home and try them on in the privacy of my own room and if they fit or are close to fitting I will keep them if not I will return them for a bigger size. I have to add that I really don't go shopping much maybe once a month if not once every few months. And when I go I only buy a few things.

The reason I haven't gone in a dressing room for so long is because when I go into one I have never left happy. I have always left in tears. I can remember a few times a sales associate has asked if I needed anything and I would have to sadly ask for a bigger size in a few things because my pride was shot and I couldn't bear the thought of having to walk out to get a bigger size in hopes that that one would fit.

I am a clothes hoarder and keep clothes until they no longer fit (only bc of weight loss will I get rid of any) so when I walk into a store wearing a size 12 and have to try on a size 16 you can guaran-damn-tee that I'm going to be balling like a baby when I leave that damn store.

Ok back to my last dressing room experience. I was in Ross and I was looking for a dress to get married in.

(We were going for a cheap and nontraditional wedding. We had a court house wedding and he wore a nice button down shirt with jeans and I wore a bright pink short dress even though I was 2months prego. Disclaimer: we had already set a date for getting married at the court house but about 2weeks before the actual wedding I found out I was prego-licious.)

Anyways, I tried on several dresses and was mortified because I kept having to go back and find bigger sizes. Mind you I didn't know I was pregnant yet. At one point I actually got stuck in one of the dresses. I legitimately could not get out of it. I went so far as to slightly rip part of the dress just to escape. I went with a friend but of course she was somewhere in the store shopping and I didn't have my phone on me to call for help.

I found one dress that fit but still left in tears. I hated the dressing room just as I hated the scale.

Even though I have lost a lot of weight I still had no desire to go in a dressing room out of fear.....especially now that I have gained a few pounds back. But you know what? The past few months I have made my journey all about facing my fears big and small.

Yesterday I went into a dressing room and left....with a few things and didn't shed not ONE tear! That is progress my friends! Yes, I have gained a few lbs back. Yes, I have gained a few inches back but you know what??? Right now that's ok!!!

Also a first, I bought my first leggings! I don't look how I would like to in them but they fit and I personally think they don't look that bad. The only problem I am finding is a shirt that is long enough for me to confidently wear with them.

of course I had to look fabulous ;) without makeup and nasty hair...
I don't wear any makeup on the weekends especially holiday weekends

And I bought this sweater. I have NEVER been a fan of sweaters...why would I? I have been heavy most of my life and a sweater only magnifies that! I can only think of a couple that I have owned but I did it I bought one!

Right now I may not be the size I want to be but inside and out I am making progress!